bonding, and homicidal dreams!
Tom and I are FRIENDS, first and foremost. We bonded while we were patients at the same mental health program. Sex is secondary, but still important, because I crave human touch!
Something else that we bonded over is the fact that we're both on the same nighttime sleep medication. We both agreed that we LOVE Seraquil, that we sleep heavily and with weird dreams. I hadn't had one of those weird one ... until last night!
I dreamed that I took the Contract killer's offer of putting out a contract, in exchange for sex, on someone. Or, three people. The EX, his dreadful mother who calls him "itsy bitsy baby boy," even though he's 32 and 6'4", and the ex's mythological new girlfriend! The dream seemed SO real!
I'd also like to answer a reader's question, about the Safe House where I'm living.
It's a Board-and-care, which means that everyone here has mental issues, is on medication, and receives room and board, and a house "den-mother" to kick our butts about our medication. Some of the mental issues aren't serious, like the woman who won't SPEAK, while others are fighting more psychotic demons.
Generally, the people who live here are on disability and Medi-cal, and Social Security/disability pays their rent to stay here. I'm unusual in that I'm SANE and able to work. I was put here, FREE, by the County's Protective Services, because I told the adult-day-care workers about the weird bisexual sex games that XXXX/YYYY had me playing! Like, sex with Michael Eisner!
If you, reader, want to know more, e-mail me at mfisher150@yahoo.com
posted by My secret life at 11:10 AM
16 Comments:
I hate weird dreams like that. Heard anything from Fry's yet?
5:38 PM
nope, nothing from Fry's. The asst. to the head of HR told me to expect a call this week, and if the asst. hasn't called by tomorrow, I'm supposed to call HER!
5:43 PM
Time to pop that little delusional bubble you see the world through. This "safe house" is a group home for people with mental illness. Regardless of how much you want to believe you were placed there because a protective services worker was worried that xxxx/yyyy would further "abuse you" with the sex games (I don't even want to know how Michael Eisner's name wound up in that sentence in this blog entry), that isn't why you landed there. If sexual abuse by xxxx/yyyy and others were the real concern, you would have been placed with a program serving battered and abused women.
The truth is that you landed yourself in this group home because you are a woman with a recent (and possibly even long-term, judging by some of your entries in your Vietnam trip journal) history of severe depression and possibly several other mental illnesses who needs treatment for these diseases, including medication and supervision. These conditions make you a danger to yourself (e.g. repeatedly participating in "weird bisexual games" with anonymous men found through Craig's List) and possibly a danger to others (as evidenced by your obesession with your ex-spouse, which has grown from skulking after him through email and his blog despite repeated requests/demands from him to stop, into homicidal dreams in which you kill him and the women in his life).
Don't kid yourself about being the only sane one in the group home, sweetie. You're just like the other residents, and are there to get help with battling your own psychotic demons. That's really not a bad thing at all.
11:36 AM
Much as it probably pains you to hear the person who made the previous comment is correct. You really do need to lose the rose colored glasses especially if you expect to go back to government work. Take advantage of the chance to get help and get back to reality.
2:04 PM
Defintely agree with the last two posters. I truly hope that this blog is just for show and that you are recognizing and dealing with your mental health troubles. As for Michael Eisner I think it would serve you best to clarify. Are you saying that someone role played as Michael Eisner or that you actually had sex with Michael Eisner? Either way, while you may not care or have the capacity to understand how sick you truly are, what you posted about Michael may be defamatory. Since many people that you don't know, including myself, are monitoring your train wreck of a blog, you'd be best served by doing what others have advised you and that is to not name people in your post. That being said, you never know who is reading this thing so I'd watch what you say or what you may inadvertantly insinuate by posting the names of individuals. It may -- just may -- come back to bite you on the ass one day.
4:17 PM
A clarification about M.E.: he wanted to suck XXX/YYYY's cock, and have XXXX/YYYY suck his. I wasn't even involved. Despite his WIFE, he's definitely gay.
7:10 PM
Those last three comments have me spooked! I don't remember anything from the Vietnam/ honeymoon trip journal that belied mental illness!
I LOVED my ex-husband, and those feelings don't die easily!
7:22 PM
Regarding Seroquel ---
It doesn't sound like you are really on it, or if so perhaps not taking enough.
BTW, Seroquel is not a "nighttime sleep medication" as you wrote.
Seroquel (quetiapine fumarate) is an anitpsychotic medication.
SEROQUEL IS USED WHEN THERE ARE DISTORTIONS IN THINKING.
It is used to help treat Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder, and some of the symptoms of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).
Glad you "Love" it. Keep taking it!!!
Whoever it was who got you on it was the TRUE
Gift from Adonai (and not your stolen IPod).
For what is it worth, you probably should be on other medications in addition to Seroquel. Also whomever got you to take it is one connection you should not abandon, destroy, or treat insignificantly - be they a friend, doctor, a " John", mother, romance, ex-husband, etc. Remain close to that connection as if you life depended on them. It just might. They just might be the only person who recognizes ALL the help you need. Good luck.
...One last item to mention. Are you aware that medications exist which you could take to help your memory which you claim is gone? Eg. (Aricept is used with MS patients.)
Your online friend,
Dr. Don
8:32 PM
Noticing your preoccupation with bisexuality? Why don't you talk about your multi year relationship with THE woman R.....C.....! Also, tell your loyal readers the story you have told about ABUSE from your Mother. (oh, and the SECRET you don't want her to know about your stepfather.)
Stick with things closer to home and the root of your problems and stop reaching out on a limb and looking for blame (other than yourself)...
Your last few YEARS of constant multi partnered sex by your own choice and the harm it has done to all around you, is not the ROOT of your problems.
Concerned that you are not dealing well with your recent turn in life...and that you are unable to manage your life well. Wishing you a speedy recovery... although, it is going to take a long time if you are even interested in working on it.
8:53 PM
anybody else notice the amazing similarities between the type style and voice used by our hostess my secret life (aka M.) and the "anon" comment about the alleged abuse from her mother and stepfather? certain words highlighted in all caps and the theory that her current problems aren't caused by the sexcapades of late appear in both my secret life's posts and this comment. seems a little too similar to be a coincidence if you know what i mean...
9:19 PM
OK, J. I'll tell the whole blog about MY bisexuality! Raquel was my FIRST "spouse", before Jay. I loved her, and love her STILL, as I can't just STOP loving the ex. I have NO idea, though, what you're talking about, regarding "abuse" from my mother, or some dark secret about her new husband. I may not LIKE him, but there's no dark mystery about him!
9:29 PM
Dr. Don:
I KNOW that Seroquel is an antipsychotic drug, but as it's been explained to me by MY psychiatrist, it's often given as a "plus-one" to help increase the effectiveness of another medication. In this case, the other medication is Cymbalta, my antidepressant. The depression is gone
9:51 PM
Dr. Don:
I'm ON Aricept (10 mg., nightly), and I love it even more than the Seroquel!
m.
10:31 PM
If your depression is gone, it's because it's been temporarily displaced by a manic phase of bipolar disorder.
Based on what Dr. Don said about conditions for which seroquel is prescribed, I would think that the "one up" they hope you get from taking it along with an antidepressant would be mood stabilization. The sleep aid benefits of seroquel are just a pleasant side effect.
1:36 AM
I guess your Dr. Don recognized that if you were going to absorb what he wrote, that he should not point out that you spelled "Seraquil" in an incorrect manner. Dr. Don did spell it correctly [check his spelling which you then copied]. (You are so stiff about everyone else. You should be able to take it yourself!)
btw, you claim you did not suck cock with your most recently named person, Michael E? Your blog consistently talks about taking every man's cock in your mouth! Don't expect us to believe you turned one down. I don't care to hear your sick "memory" of what you think happened. Remember you are on Aricept 10 mg for memory. Were you taking it then? Especially since you are talking about it. But then to be fair to you, maybe it's just a little mixed up in that sick head of yours. Sometimes craziness feels very real and normal. Get over it.
7:11 AM
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3:27 AM
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