If the shoe fits...
Today, I went to the mall. The beautiful, outdoor mall. That just happens to be adjacent to the ex's place of work. I sat on the outdoor benches, drinking coffee. And I never felt like such ... a STALKER! I have to stop. If he doesn't want me and won't speak to me it's HIS loss! Continuing to loiter in this sea of rejection doesn't do me ANY good! And it's not like I'm alone! B. wants me, wants to "make love" to me! It felt SO good when he said that today! He's TWICE the man of the ex, and ever since we met, I've thought of him as B.I., "the cute guy". He is one of the only reasons I WANT to move east!
And, by the way, I have an INTERVIEW at Fry's Electronics tomorrow morning!
posted by My secret life at 7:29 PM
12 Comments:
B.I. "the cute guy?" How awesome is that?
10:11 PM
Good luck with the interview!
-G
10:30 PM
How convenient it must be for you to ignore what was a comment in your last post. It said you are "possibly a danger to others (as evidenced by your obesession with your ex-spouse, which has grown from skulking after him through email and his blog despite repeated requests/demands from him to stop, into homicidal dreams in which you kill him and the women in his life)."
Then you write about hanging out at the mall where you could be near his work! It's not a matter of "if he doesn't want [you]" but rather, "he doesn't want [you]," no "If" in it. And I'm not sure but the outdoor mall may be very close to the overpriced Persian neighborhood and building you claim you were living in...which makes me wonder who else you might be stalking! Too painful to think about it? Perhaps you don't realize that you just might have been rejected by that person where you were recently living because of all of your massive problems and mental illness and that you were just too much for him too, as you were with your ex, and the former places you lived, and it is you who are maybe trying to not own up to it and instead try and blame someone else and accuse others of having random sex with you - as you are the admitted PRO, Whore, Sex worker, when you are not being kept, etc. And now you are admitting to focusing on someone called BI. ...hmm, sounds like a nickname for a true bisexual to me on the east coast. What does he do? Run a major business and wants to make you his trophy wife also? Or maybe he is the head of a major studio paying you to frighten people? Or some blue collar worker you could never bring to your beloved shul. Of course you can tell us who he really is? What type of sex games have you been in with the BI guy and what type of sex games do you want to get into with BI "the cute guy"? How will you scheme and scam him? How long before you start breaking the law with this new "cute" BI guy (if you haven't already broken the law with him)? What ever happened to the old, Bald, small dicked client you spoke about this weekend who you are just crazy about and can't wait to grope him?
And, by the way, working at Fry's Electonics should be tricky...like a diabetic working around the greatest chocolates in the world! No one can eat just one, and you can't take just one IPod, or anything else you scheme to get your hands on and steal! Check to see if Fry's prosecutes -employees who steal- before you accept the job.
I seriously doubt that management at Fry's will care about you disinhibition as an excuse. It's just a convenient excuse now with you for everything...
6:56 AM
I don't know who anonymous is, but you should read and reread the comment until it sinks in. I am surprised the ex has not yet had you arrested for stalking. It is only a matter of time before a judge throws the book at you and sex will not get you out of it. You need to OWN your mistakes, accept your limitations and get help before you get in even further over your head!!!!
8:52 AM
OK, OK, when the ex accused me of BPD, I generally laughed it off. This time, I read about it with interest. There ARE similarities. And too bad for me, NO treatment facilities here. But, I'm intrigued...
11:08 AM
It is so sad, yet amazingly entertaining. The true "train wreck" cliche. Part of me really wants you to get the help you so clearly need. You are spiriling into a haze of mental abyss and potentially dangerous behaviour. Of course, if you did get help, as you breifly tried before getting the boot from Cedars, then what would we all have to read. Bi Polar, Disinhibition, give it the name you choose, but you are a girl who just wants her life to be something more than it is, more exciting, more dangerous, just more and in an effort to achieve that you have created this sordid, sad life. God Speed and try not to end up bound and gagged in a the trunk of a rental car at Mcaren.
11:55 AM
Here are a list of BPD/mental health treatment facilities in LA. See there ARE facilites here. It can't ever hurt to go in and check them out and learn more:
http://www.didihirsch.org/
http://www.villastanley.com/
http://www.bridgestorecovery.com/about.html
http://www.laurapaxton.com/borderline.html?hop=jons5150 (If you're concerned about $ and cost of treatment, this is a self-help type of course and book on-line)
The list goes on and on -- just search Google and you'll find a lot of places specializing in BPD. OR, better yet, ask someone where you are currently living if they could recommend where you could talk to someone about your potential BPD. I am happy to hear that you are interested in learning more about BPD and hope that you follow through and get the help that you desparately need and deserve before you end up in prison for you actions (stalking/theft/prostitution). It should scare you enough that by virtue of this blog you are making it know that you are guilty of these crimes and one of your "loyal" readers could turn you in to the police in a heartbeat. Heck -- I'm tempted to so that you'll finally get some help! So, please, do yourself a favor and try and get your issues under control.
12:03 PM
I hope you are aware that many of the people reading this blog are reaching out a helping hand even though your sordid soap opera may become less so once things settle down after you get help. I think it's safe to say that many of your readers are concerned, so don't spurn the good advice..USE IT!!!!!!
2:53 PM
Does anyone else find it horribly sad (as well as odd, so much so that it confirms there's more going on than bi-polar disorder) that M. suddenly sees the light about her stalking behavior and the excellent possibility that she is bipolar after a few anonymous web comments along those lines yet "generally laughed off" her ex's obervations that she has BPD?
While I join the others who have posted their hopes and suggested resources that can help M. find and accept the help she needs -- as the courage and determination to do whatever is necessary -- to derail future disasters, I'm feeling less certain that it will happen in time, if it ever happens at all.
It's just sad.
3:41 PM
Agreed about all of the advice. However, I'm thinking that one of us readers really should report all of her antics to the authorities. We know her full name by now -- Meredith Bushman -- where she lives -- Los Angeles -- and enough details about her place of residence that we could easily report her antics. I think she is in serious need of an intervention and needs a firm slap in the face that there are consequences to her actions. So far, there have been no consequences and maybe if there were it would be some kind of a wake up call. I'm definitely going to look in to turning her in.
4:19 PM
The LATEST anonymous, thanks for your concern. But turn me in for WHAT? Not a good idea. And remember, I'm DIVORCED now! Need a little more investigative work...
5:25 PM
How did your electronic's interview go?
Did you get the job?
another anonoymous reader
6:50 PM
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