Nothin' to say for myself.
And yet, I can expound endlessly on what I did today!
Manicure AND pedicure, each about an hour apart.
I went to the airport via public transportation, just to SEE how to get there, in case I actually use the frequent-flyer ticket. And yeah, I booked a frequent-flyer ticket, in case I fly out of here (that's HEAVEN, in case there's anyone still uncertain) in two weeks, the day after the Pixies show.
I'm now freaking out, days later, because I have to leave the Safe House by Friday, and I don't have anywhere to go! Yeah, I could follow up with Social Security, as the only way I can stay here is if I get Social Security. And I LOVE it here! And I could follow up with the NYC landlords, Linda and Gus. If I ask J., my former John, if I can stay with him for two weeks, until my flight east, I DON'T have a place to live in NYC, and my MOTHER won't let me live in her house! BITCH! How does a MOTHER deliver her daughter to a HOMELESS shelter?! I'm SO mad about this!
posted by My secret life at 10:49 PM
10 Comments:
How does a mother deliver a daughter to a homeless shelter? I think it's called tough love. And it's the only way you will grow - by being forced to. Why is your mother a bitch because she doesn't want you sponging off of her and fucking guys for sex in her house anymore?
4:35 PM
Right on anonymous poster! M, you should read and re-read that comment over and over and over again until it sinks in. My question is, why the heck aren't you a grown up yet with your own money? STOP sponging off of others. I don't want to hear the ol' my husband left me excuse. He left you because you CHEATED on him!!!!! Grow up, get over it, go to McDonald's and get a job. Stop f***ing up the interviews, make your own money, and try to have some sort of self-respect and dignity for once! I am divorced and I managed to swing it on my own just fine. Stop using others and do it on your own for once. Maybe, just maybe, instead of splurging on concert tickets you should funnel away some money so that you have a place to LIVE. You are so pathetic that I can no longer read about your train-wrecked life. You are a disgrace for all women out there. Prostitution, sponging off of others, whining about not being able to find a job when you do nothing but destroy your own chances -- thank you, thank you, M, for single-handedly pushing back the women's movement by about 40 years.
4:50 PM
Basically, M, nobody trusts you. Do you blame them? What can you do? Well, now that your nails and your toes look all pretty, go get a job. Any job. Are you so arrogant to think that you could not learn a thing or two from any job out there? Even at McDonald's, you'd be working around people who could teach you something about life. You are such a mess. Do you even see it? You are a danger to yourself and everyone in your life and your path. Straighten up and fly right, girl. You've got to.
5:05 PM
how did you pay for your manicure and pedicure? do you consider it a "business expense" to hook a "John"?
5:29 PM
sorry, but having trouble following what you are doing...
did your mother give you miles to book a frequent flyer ticket? ticket to home? if she gave you her miles, perhaps she is willing to help you with your other needs?
if it is not from your mother and not from a John, then perhaps that person who just gave you a ticket would be willing to help you in other ways? if it is your mother, think about talking to her and not calling her a bitch and be appreciative, if it is someone else who gave you a frequent flyer ticket, think about talking to them and be genuine. you might really have some friends left.
yuk, don't kill yourself over this and expect to get to heaven. jews who commit suicide are not allowed to be buried in jewish cemetaries.
5:49 PM
The ex did NOT leave me because I cheated on him, because he cheated on me first, with his full-time writing in coffee shops. I cheated on him because I was LONELY, and the "cheating", if I can call it that, was just fooling around and groping with a man who couldn't even keep an erection up!
I so HOPE and PRAY that the Federal job comes through! I just want to be able to SHOW the mother as accomplishment again!
7:43 PM
why don't you try contacting your mother's husband at his shop where you said he is keeping your car if you are currently in need of help?
if you are having trouble with your treo? you might want the address again if it's lost in contact limbo:
125 Clinton Rd. # 7
Fairfield
this suggestion is being offered only if you gave the correct information originally and to try and help you while you look for another option...(after all you have said he owes you for certain things...and you keep writing your mother is a bitch)
good luck from an old friend
8:18 PM
Oh give me a fricking break -- here we go again with the poor victim routine. And what's really annoying is that's not even the most egregious part of the latest chapter of "M, the Story of a Divorced Psychopath."
You, M, have just hit a new low (which many of us thought wasn't possible after reading your blog archive) with blaming your marital infidelities and choice to become a common whore (with delusions of being trophy wife material) because your spouse had the gall to do what you are incapable of: working hard to pursue his interests and make something of his life. News flash for you, sweetie, a real woman is capable of finding ways to be aproductive, active member of her community and pursuing her own interests WHILE supporting her partner as s/he works toward her/his own goals. Blaming him for you being "lonely" and using his initiative as an excuse for your lack of creativity in finding ways to entertain yourself and your decision to fuck around on him reveals so much about your complete lack of character and integrity -- not to mention your total disconnect with reality.
And where in the hell do you get off being ANGRY that you have to leave your current group home for the mentally ill -- where you were so proud to tell us that you were living for free -- when you are spending money on pedicures and concert tickets? Loyal blog readers, let me introduce you to a real welfare queen, Ms. Meredith F. B. (I rather enjoy the coincidence that the initials of your married name are also the abbreviation for a less than flattering descriptor that sounds somewhat similar to "clucking witch.") How dare you claim to be spiritual or progressive when you are a living example of the abuses that occur within safety net programs everytime lawmakers make more budget cuts.
At this point, I think you have become so deeply psychopathic that there are very few things left that could make you understand that you are simply reaping what you have sown and could change everything for the better. Until that happens, God help those around you should a real tragedy occur. I shudder to think of how many more lives you'll find a way to poison or destroy completely.
Having spent a great deal of my life being a professional and personal advocate for people with disabilities, I know that I should be more compassionate about someone with the serious level of mental illness these blog entries indicate you have. Yet there is such a tone of arrogance and superiority -- and an absolute unwillingness to learn even the smallest lesson, show remorse for any mistakes you've made, or take one shred of responsibility as an adult -- in the posts made as you came out of depression and into a manic phase that I find myself feeling that you really are aware of what you're doing and have just made the decision to milk everyone around you, as well as private and public support programs, for everything you can so you don't have to be an adult after you fucked up your opportunity to get out of working for a living while your husband supported your sorry self. But I know that you're just not up to pulling off that level of deliberate scamming given that you're too dumb or vain to keep from revealing enough information about yourself so that people who have even the most basic Internet skills can pretty much find out everything about you and your life, including photos. By the way, you really should take down the photo of you and your ex that you posted with your profile on the professional networking site on which you let everyone know about your interests in rock climbing and kyaking, as well as your work experience at AOL. (Normally I'd never repost personal info like this that can be found about someone, even if it is on a public web site, but I felt it appropriate to support my last statement with some verifiable evidence of its truth.)
I don't feel that your pathetic actions are in any way important or powerful enough to set back the women's movement, though I do understand the sentiments of the person who made that post. But I do feel that your choice to put yourself and your interests above everyone else -- particularly your dedication to doing everything possible (including self-sabotage) to avoid gainful employment -- make you unworthy of the enouragement and support that so many have already offered or given you. Given your pride in your amoral behavior (your proclivity to steal seems to be a favorite), your public derision of so many people that you fanatically claim to still love, and your quest to satisfy your own wants at the expense of all others, your mother's willingness to "send you money from the sale of your car whenever you ask" and offer to help get you find your way to a NYC homeless shelter seem exceptionally generous and go far in proving that a monther's dedication to her children really can transcend all.
I started following your blog to help distract myself from a forced retirement from a job that I adored because I am physically no longer able to work due to the progression of two lung diseases, chronic pain, and spastic quadriplegia caused by a cancerous tumor in my brain stem that should have killed me years ago. I had found ways to help me cope with my own challenges by being concerned about you, and sincerely hoped that you'd be able to turn things around for yourself. Like others who have posted here, my concern has been replaced by annoyance, and it's so clear that there are much better uses of my time and energy than sending the same type of prayers and positive thoughts from strangers that pulled me through countless surgeries and two clinical deaths to the negative, remorseless, self-serving person you have revealed yourself to be.
So this, M, will be my first and only contribution to "The Story of M, the Divorced Psychopath." As a Wiccan that believes you get back threefold of that which you put forth, I will leave you, Meredith, with one final prayer that you will find a way to understand and respect yourself, and maybe even learn how to be happy with and by yourself. There's a lot of lessons in your past mistakes -- I pray that you can find the courage to open yourself to understanding those lessons, heal relationships you have destroyed by apologizing for your role in the problems, and humbly accept all offers of support from those like "your web friend Dr. Don" who can teach you how to start walking a more healthy and honorable path.
Thanks to all of the other readers who have taken the time to comment. There's a real community building here -- but it's time for me to take leave and invest myself in others who are less toxic and sincerely want to find a way to triumph over the shit that happens instead of wallowing in it so vigorously that it splatters into the lives of everyone around.
Sign me the "Anti-M" -- a disabled chick who never had money for a professional pedicure and who wishes her decaying body would still allow her to work for social and economic justice.
2:19 AM
What happend to the simple, cute jewish girl who thought about becoming a conservative Rabbi? Something tells me you couldn't even be a reformed Rabbi these days as stealing and whoring are probably frowned upon even by the reformed. The Unitarians might take you though.
8:49 AM
You know what, this crap makes me sick...please do not quit becuase these assholes, arent hapy enough with their own livews, that they have to bullshit all over yours! SO WHAT, if your life is he way they protrayed it..they are back here every freaking day to WATCH THE GODDAMNED TRAIN WRECK, becasue they can not bear to look at their own damned lives..doesnt that tell you anything? If they were brave enough, dont you think THEY would have their own blog relating to the world THEIR weaknesses? Notice how ALL of the replies are from ANONYMOUS? It is probably the same goddamned person oever and over..I always get a kick out of negative comenters on blogs, becuase for whatever reason, they are continuing to read, and continuing to comment, which means they are NOT taking care of their OWN LIVES!! YOU ARE, becuaser at least you are writing about it, and at least you are brave enough to confront your problems, if only by admitting to them...I am going to copy this to the former post, becuase these eejits need to see it..
to the twit who has a problem with prostituiton: if you have a problem with it, then why the FARK are you reading prostitute blogs? you are a cheese bag-LOL
6:47 PM
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